Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Be Aware of these Signs!

How to Recognize a Controlling Person

Those who try to control other people are, simply put, not nice-and probably have deeper issues . Here are some ways to recognize a controlling person and respond accordingly.

Think about your own actions. Do you often find yourself altering your own personality, plans or views to fit someone else's, even if you are a strong person? If so, you might have been dealing with a controlling person.

Keep track of your relationships. A controlling person will try to cause trouble between you and your family or friends. This is in order to isolate you from others. Be sure to stay aware of these traits.

Be on the lookout for moodiness. People with moody personalities are often unhappy with their own lives and try to improve their situation by controlling others.

Consider if you are often expected to change your plans for this person. Let's say you have your day all planned out and then you receive a phone call from a friend, and you tell them your plans. The person wants to join in with your plans, with the exception that your time doesn't work well for them, or maybe that isn't the place they want to go. The next thing that you know, your plans have totally changed. You end up seeing a movie that you didn't care to see, at a time that you didn't really care to go.

Listen for compliments. Often people with control issues are not very good at giving sincere compliments. They do not want you to feel good about yourself because it may take control and attention away from them.

Watch out for controlling people if you are very attractive, for they can make your life miserable. Your looks will become a handicap in a controlling relationship, for they probably have a jealousy problem too.

Be on the lookout for not only moodiness, but temper outbursts by the other person when you disagree with them or don't do exactly what they want you to do. In their minds, you are challenging their authority over you.

Remember just because someone is opinionated doesn't mean they are controlling. A good test to tell the difference between someone who is just very opinionated or controlling is if they willingly accept or tolerate differences between you and them and don't try to change any part of your core person or personality.

While relationships are not democracies, neither are they dictatorships; seek a balance you are comfortable with.

if you really love this person things can be much more difficult. most people who are controlling always throw in the arguement the words
they always use word like " do this" ", " if you leave " etc.


  1. Enjoyed reading your blog. Keep up the good work!

  2. Great post. Your comment, "just because someone is opinionated doesn't mean they are controlling" really hit home with me. I myself am very opinionated and very head strong but will listen to others and in turn, may even change my own opinion. I have learned from studying Tao that we can not really be in control of anything. Life (and people) are ever changing and trying to "control" simple make us miss out on the present.

  3. Very well said. I just ended a 4 month friendship with another Mom that I really enjoyed but began to realize how controlling she was. I miss her but I live a happy, stress free life.